My name is John D Rich, Jr. I have been searching for years to satisfy this pining in me to live my life in a way that honors the most loving parts of our shared humanity.
Born into a working class family. Father got laid off from his job, and went into a severe depression that never lifted. Family sunk into poverty. Section 8 housing, food stamps, etc. Boo-hoo for me!
Luckily, I am pretty smart, and was able to become somewhat successful by using my brain. On top of this, my mother was always very complimentary and supportive, and so I believed I could do anything if I put my mind to it.
From early on, I was a compassionate person - easily brought to tears over another's pain. I grew into someone who wanted to help others not be in pain any more. Did I want to save my own parents? Erikson, in his book about Gandhi, says that people who have Messiah complexes grow up feeling superior to their parents. This feeling I share.
It has been a lifelong conflict, this simultaneous desire to be humble, and this belief that I was more
In late adolescence, I experienced my calling for the first time. It was a calling to dedicate my life to help the poor. I grew up with a mother that took me to church, and so it was natural for me to interpret this calling with Christian lenses. I pursued ordination with a fervor. I became a minister with the United Methodist Church, wanting to use the pulpit and the stories of Jesus to compel people to social and political action. My problems were twofold: 1) People in the churches where I served were more interested in having me preach the "good news," give the sacraments, visit sick people in the hospital. 2) My messages to people were too angry and judgmental. I felt so much the need to serve the poor, and most other people were not so compelled. I couldn't understand.
So, the church was not a good fit for me. Toward the end of my career, I wanted out. Then, I got an opportunity to work with the homeless in Wilmington DE. I was excited to have an audience who would hear this message of liberation and be filled with power to exceed their own limitations (economic or personal or political). But there was so much emphasis on otherworldly rewards, and a lot of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings where people whose poverty led to self-destruction were required to admit their helplessness, and shown the error of their ways.
I was slowly realizing that I wasn't really all that Christian. I didn't believe in an afterlife - or, if I did, I didn't believe it should have any place in a moral philosophy. And I didn't think people should be taught about their individual sins. My work in the church ended. It had to. Where would I go now?
Well, I needed money. A person with a degree in Divinity doesn't have a lot of non-church options. I took a job selling sunrooms. I hated it hated it hated it. Had to leave.
I decided that I would go back to school, eventually having opportunities open up for me in Educational Psychology. The Ph.D. offered me a chance to work for the School District of Philadelphia. Now, here's a job serving the poor! I found out soon, however, that the life of an idealist in a political organization is full of as much frustration and disappointment as a religious one. I can't honestly say my 4 years working there did any good for anyone. I don't know - perhaps I just want to make a bigger splash than one person can make. Perhaps I did a lot of good, but I didn't see it.
Regardless, I left, took another job doing research for a year, until I got an opportunity to do research and statistical analysis for an educational program in Jordan. I love it. The mechanics of the work is very enjoyable, and I feel like I am helping to strengthen a program that will make a difference in students' lives.
I am writing this from an office in Amman. I feel like I am doing good work. I am also doing some work locally to help the homeless in the US. However, I just feel that I have been called to do something much bigger, that I am on the cusp of it. I have a fantastic wife who will follow my call, because she feels it, too. I am ready for God to direct me, expose me to the event or series of events that open up my understanding and vision to the specific contribution I have been sent here to make.
A new friend of mine encouraged me to start a blog. He says I have an interesting "backstory." I don't know if it's interesting or not. I write this blog for two reasons: 1) Writing it all down will help me express my thoughts in a way that could provide answers. I submit myself to my deep-down wisdom, and expect things to pour out that I wouldn't have thought to myself consciously;
2) I have spent a lot of time talking with people about their own dreams. I love to talk to people about what they would do with their time if they didn't need to make money. Almost invariably, people want to be doing something other than what they are doing! So, here I am, taking the great risk of saying I want to do something great for the world, not knowing if I ever will, potentially setting myself up for one major midlife crisis. I know there are others who wish they were doing something else, something more. My own unfolding struggle to do great things might inspire others to think deeply about this one life they have to live? Or, my eventual discovery of my reason for being here, and this hole in my heart that wants to be filled with meaning, could provide an example of how the struggle is a guide, not an obstacle.
Wish me well, pilgrims!
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